Part of why I love having Soul Power as a part of this site is because it provides the opportunity to further connect with one another as a community. I appreciate so much the depth at which people are willing to go with their writing, and personal anecdotes. Carrie Lewman, is a brave woman who writes over on her site carrielewman.com. I’ve come to know her virtually through her participation in my September Self-Care program a year ago. She took so much away from that experience, and continued to help herself in her journey to healing. It brings me so much joy to share with you her writing as a part of her process in understanding herself in dealing with loss and a deeper connection within.
My thoughts on death and loss have always been that grief is what you experience afterwards. That it is a stage you enter into. Actually grief is not something that happens to you, it is something you do afterwards. It is your reaction to loss or death. We have all heard of, and perhaps walked the many stages of grief; anger, denial, depression, acceptance, etc…, but no one ever speaks of the heartbreak. It is essentially the root of grief and where most people get stuck. Your heart has been broken as the result of loss and this loss does not always directly pertain to physical death. It can be the demise of a relationship, loss of a job, relocating, loss of innocence, and disappointment in life not turning out how you thought it would, just to name a few.
If you follow me on social media, you’ll know that I got the most random episode of a sinus cold this past week. It took me by complete surprise. It is the middle of summer, after all. I was fine on Tuesday, but I woke up Wednesday morning and could barely breathe through my nose, lost my sense of smell and generally felt pretty miserable. Lucky me, I had a busy day that day with back to back meetings so I pushed through. Later that evening I totally crashed and ending up breaking a fever through the night.
I knew there was no way I could fight this thing on my own. At the onset I took vitamin C, B and zinc to help my immune system and body overall. Throughout the day I loaded up on turmeric and broths, the healing foods. Most importantly, I called my acupuncturist!
When spring and summer come all I can think about are getting my hands on all the fresh produce and vegetables possible. It’s a time when I leisurely walk the farmer’s markets. I am constantly inspired by fresh local produce, and right now there is so much to be excited about. Between fresh berries, figs, collard, dandelion greens, zucchini, and asparagus there is so much right now to make healthy eating super convenient.
Seeing all of the green vegetables as I tote them home in my market bag is one of my simple pleasures in life. It makes me so dang happy. Does anything do that for you?
I get asked all the time, “What brought you to Seattle?”
It’s a funny a question to me with a million different answers about what could possibly lure me across the country. Most people, are expecting the common answer, a job, or a relationship. Neither was the case for me.
When I begin to tell them what truly brought me, I take a moment, to soak it in, to read the person in front of me a bit and get an idea of how this will land for them. I explain that the only way for me to have made a move clear across the country, knowing not a soul, was trusting my hearts inner knowing. I knew intuitively that this was a place I needed to be and I needed to do whatever in my power to make that happen.
I haven’t written a post in a while. I could start to tell you that I’ve been uninspired. Truthfully, I told myself that, and even believed it for a little while too, honestly. But the more I thought about it the more I realized that actually it hasn’t been from lack of inspiration. I’ve got recipes rolling out left and right (just not posted) and I’ve a steady stream of article ideas going constantly in my mind, and some even written and not shared.
No what I’ve been doing is a lot of living. I’m a firm believer that everything comes in waves and sometimes certain periods of our lives are meant to focus on specific areas and that’s okay. Writing, though I still do it for myself, hasn’t been one of those focuses for me lately.
There’s part of me that feels I should constantly be churning out content for you all, for this amazing community that I’ve some how had the fortune of getting to facilitate. And then I remember how the word should is an asshole, and I feel a little better ;). In all seriousness I am steadfast in my belief that I can’t just write for the sake of writing, that what is meant to be heard, shared or seen will just naturally flow out of me at the moments when it needs to be released. We all receive messages just when we need them, and that’s exactly how I want my writing to be delivered. Landing just where it’s supposed to, when it’s supposed to, for whoever may need it.
This reflection has occurred a lot lately. Between working with people in my day-to-day work life, settling into routines, navigating the dating scene while remaining reserved (and sane), exploring both the natural wilderness and my own wildness, I’ve been creating, manifesting new projects and finishing up my Amba yoga teacher training. I realize that everything I do is to share it with other people. I am compelled by an inner burning desire to enrich my life through these experiences that translate into lessons and anecdotes that shape and mold me, but also help people in ways I never could have imagined. There is power in experiences I’ve had and yet to have.
We often wonder if we’re on the right path. If where we’re headed is the right way and if our direction will lead us to where we want to be. Is our life’s purpose guiding us correctly, or is there interference between our heart and minds?
The truth is, we’re only “there” for a short period, and then we move on to a different path. Some paths we stay connected to and become integrated in us as a part of our lives, but still, every illusioned destination is temporary, it’s only happening until it is simply no longer or we move to a new exploration.
Think of all the different things you said you wanted to be when you grew up. The age old question we ask young children can receive a myriad of imagined answers. Veterinarian was on my top, which later turned into a chef, later changed to journalist and magazine designer. All of these different desires held temporarily spaces in my life where they severed purposes, and then it would morph into new interests.
Prior to the days where I no longer eat grains and legumes I loved hummus! Seriously I’d dip whatever I could into it, pretzels, carrots, cucumbers, spread it on tortillas the list goes on. When I think about how I used to eat, it was never a poor diet, the main difference between what I felt was healthy then, and what I know is healthy now is a matter of nutrients. And even though my diet lifestyle was seemingly “healthy” is was nutritionally void.
I am not here to protest legumes, or tell you that they are bad, by any means. Since healing with AIP I have had an occasional chickpea with no ailments. However, knowing what kind of damage they can do to the gut (one that still is healing) long term I choose not to eat them. I think they can be great for some people who already have incredibly established gut flora and a microbiome that eat’s the crap out of carbs (in a good way!) But I’m taking a gander that you may not be that person either. So in desperation of wanting that salty, creamy dip back I’ve been experimenting with ways to create a similar palate without the use of legumes.
So you’re in a funk or a bad mood. Perhaps something happened at work or with a friend and now you’re all bent out of shape. It could even be that you’re just feeling low, not exactly your enthusiastic self, but not sure how to change that.
I know we can all raise our hands in agreement that we’ve been there before. I know I have. I’ve dealt with depression, panic attacks, funks and mood swings my whole life, and what I’ve come to learn over the years are a few key components to actually shifting your energetic vibration to change your mood.
It’s the newest trend in the foodie culture to sit down to a big bowl of grains filled with all kinds of warm yummy toppings like eggs, greens, vegetables and other delicious edibles. So in doing what I feel is a public service to what I’d call the “non-grain community” at large is create a “grainless” bowl that resembles it’s original inspiration, yet tastier, more nutrient dense, and vegetable focused.
These bowls are the perfect dish to transition from winter to spring as they’re served warm, with warming spices and a pop of citrus from the kumquats. Personally, around this time of the year I cannot get enough of kumquats to save my life! They’re so fun, for one, and for two they are basically nature’s starburst!!
I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all likely experienced a time (multiples really) in our lives where we had to go through the process of grieving, dredging through discomfort and healing. In that time it can often feel lonely, scary and as though we lack a sense of direction of our true path to know what direction we are headed. This month’s Soul Power contributor goes deep into that space, otherwise known as the “hallway of hell”. This incredibly vulnerable space that we venture into hoping to come out whole again. It’s not only incredibly relatable, but her honesty permeates through her expression and reaches the core of our true selves, where we can find understanding. When I first met Heather Wellman I had no idea that she was a writer, nor did I know of her adventurous spirit and the strength of her inner desire to love people wholeheartedly. I not only admire her way with words (more on her blog and Instagram), but I am drawn to her insatiable desire to live her life despite fear, ambiguity and the time spent in the hallway. I am without proper words to do justice to how honored I am that she is sharing with you all in this space, so I will let her do the rest.
I rolled towards her, my hair falling forward, into my face, a few strands dancing in the space between our mouths. She reached up, sliding them behind my ear, clearing the path from her lips to my own. I moaned quietly as her fingertips swept back and forth over the soft skin of my inner thighs… And then my own hand abruptly met hers, holding it still, near my knee. I pulled back, and looked at her… “I can’t,” I said. “I feel like my dad can see us now, which I know sounds ridiculous but it’s true. It’s just weird for me. I need some more time.” My girlfriend stared back at me blankly for a few seconds, and then dropped her hand from my body back to our mattress…